So - I have been a little MIA and I have no one to blame besides myself. I have been working a ridiculous amount of hours and haven't had a moment to breathe let alone think about this blog. I resolved to make the time for me - to take the time each day to reflect on the things that put a smile on my face or warmed my heart. As usual my resolution has been sort of put on the back burner.
I really need to take the time for me - to release all the stresses of my day and to enjoy the little things that make me happy. There are no excuses that I can make any longer. My sanity is important too - on top of being mommy, employee, wife and daughter.
I have always had this sort of struggle - to make sure everyone is satisfied and happy with me, that I get to the point where I am so stressed out with myself that I cannot take the time to be happy for me. I have so much to be happy for and I need to start letting go of my need to please people and please myself and my family first.
In having G - I have learned that I am her voice - I am her protecter - I am her fighter - bottom line, I am hers. I know now that it takes a lot to make your voice heard for your baby - and sometimes it is not going to make everyone happy. Sometimes feelings do get hurt, but in the end I need to make sure I am doing right by her.
To say that I have learned a lot by having my baby is the understatement of the century. She teaches me something new everyday and while there are some trying times - I am so lucky to be able to have this journey with her. She has brought so much joy, peace and most of all understanding to my life. Slowly but surely I am learning to let go and I truly believe that she was put into my arms to teach me that.
Thursday, January 20, 2011
Thursday, January 6, 2011
One of those days
This morning was an ordinary morning - woke up late, rushing into the shower and then as I am coming out of the bathroom, I hear something that stops me in my tracks. My sweet baby girl is awake and wants me to know it - she is calling out for me from her crib and the smile creeps across my face. This is just what I need to get me through the day - but then I remember - I must get my butt in gear and head into work. I have been struggling every day to make it there and while I was getting dressed and listening to her sweet coos and gurgles - I realized that this is my new reality. Gone are the days that I could take my time getting into the office and now are the times that I am rushing to get into work so that I can get home to spend some quality time with her.
My world was thrown such a curve ball when my little girl was born. Although I had a very long nine months to prepare for the arrival of our much desired child - when she was placed in my arms, I don't think that I had any clue just how much she would change me. I have recently begun describing the instant change to others as if I could never accomplish another thing in my life and be content with that as long as I had my baby girl with me. She has unintentionally forced me to slow down and appreciate the small things - to take the moment every day to thank god for the blessings that I have.
I live in New England which is notorious for a very fast paced lifestyle - and I must admit that I bought into that notion since I have lived here my whole life. It makes you a hardened and bitter person and that was what most people recognized me as. I am coming to realize that since that sweet bundle of joy was born, she has slowly been tearing that rough exterior down and shedding light onto this sweet and loving woman within me. I never anticipated just how much she would make me love life and see the joy in the wonder of the world. Because each moment we lock eyes, she smiles or even calls out a coo - that roughness is softening and I love the person that she is turning me into. The kind of person who would stop in her tracks while butt naked to listen and smile as her baby girl greeted another beautiful day.
My world was thrown such a curve ball when my little girl was born. Although I had a very long nine months to prepare for the arrival of our much desired child - when she was placed in my arms, I don't think that I had any clue just how much she would change me. I have recently begun describing the instant change to others as if I could never accomplish another thing in my life and be content with that as long as I had my baby girl with me. She has unintentionally forced me to slow down and appreciate the small things - to take the moment every day to thank god for the blessings that I have.
I live in New England which is notorious for a very fast paced lifestyle - and I must admit that I bought into that notion since I have lived here my whole life. It makes you a hardened and bitter person and that was what most people recognized me as. I am coming to realize that since that sweet bundle of joy was born, she has slowly been tearing that rough exterior down and shedding light onto this sweet and loving woman within me. I never anticipated just how much she would make me love life and see the joy in the wonder of the world. Because each moment we lock eyes, she smiles or even calls out a coo - that roughness is softening and I love the person that she is turning me into. The kind of person who would stop in her tracks while butt naked to listen and smile as her baby girl greeted another beautiful day.
Wednesday, January 5, 2011
Reflections - Where it all began...
Let's see - in order to take a step back and reflect on the "best year of my life", I should probably give you a brief introduction and back story of where it all began.
My husband (lets call him - J) and I were married on June 7th, 2008 and have been together since October 2000 - way back when I was young and impressionable, (a.k.a when I was 17 and a high school senior). We had been good friends since the 7th grade and we even "dated" and shared my first kiss together way back when I was 12. During the fall of our senior year - he approached our friend and wanted to know if I would be interested in a date. We went to dinner and the movies and just a few short days later we made it official and - so began our coupledom.
We were crazy about eachother and when the end of the school year came and we had plans to head to seperate colleges, we wanted to make a concerted effort to try to stay together no matter the distance. I chose to go to a small private school in RI and he decided to go to a bigger state school in NH. Most of our weekends were spent travelling the 3+ hours to see eachother for 2 short days and by the time Christmas break rolled around - I knew in my heart that I needed to make a change to be closer to him. I didn't particularly like the people that I went to school with and found myself making better friends with the people at J's school. My parents knew that I wanted to transfer to NH to be with him and my new friends but had made me promise to finish the year out in RI to make sure that by the end of the year we were still serious about making the decision to be closer.
By the time summer rolled around, our relationship was stronger than ever and I was accepted and began to make the plans to transfer to J's school. Making the decision to transfer there was the beginning of the changes that I started to see in myself. I was finding my autonomy and learning to make adult decisions. I look back on this decision and know that I would not have J by my side today if I didn't take the chance to see if things would work out.
Flash forward three years and we were still happily together after a few bumps in the road and ready to graduate - we both planned to move home to our parents. Three months after living at home we decided to move in together and then one quick year later we were engaged on December 23, 2006 in our first apartment together. We decided to be married on June 7th, 2008 because we wanted to pay for the majority of the wedding ourselves. After some serious penny pinching we were able to have the wedding that we dreamed of and set off on a wonderful honeymoon in Mexico.
After returning from our honeymoon - we needed something "new" to focus our energies on which led us to begin our search for our first home. We had a small nest egg from our generous wedding gifts and wanted to invest in our first home. We knew that we would be buying a definite fixer upper with the intentions to live in the home for about five years. After searching and looking at more than 60 homes and putting in a dozen offers, we finally bought our first home in November 2008. We spent two months replacing many issues and working with no heat (promise to recap some of our reno projects and outtakes!). We finally moved in during a snow storm in the last weekend of January 2009.
During 2009, we spent the majority of our time living in a constant state of renovation dust and rubble. By the summer of 2009 - we began to talk about our baby plans. We had been together for nine years and were starting to get the questions from everyone under the sun about when we would start the family. by the end of the summer I had full blown baby fever and we were quickly making plans to finish the biggest renovation project in our home to make way for a baby.
My husband (lets call him - J) and I were married on June 7th, 2008 and have been together since October 2000 - way back when I was young and impressionable, (a.k.a when I was 17 and a high school senior). We had been good friends since the 7th grade and we even "dated" and shared my first kiss together way back when I was 12. During the fall of our senior year - he approached our friend and wanted to know if I would be interested in a date. We went to dinner and the movies and just a few short days later we made it official and - so began our coupledom.
We were crazy about eachother and when the end of the school year came and we had plans to head to seperate colleges, we wanted to make a concerted effort to try to stay together no matter the distance. I chose to go to a small private school in RI and he decided to go to a bigger state school in NH. Most of our weekends were spent travelling the 3+ hours to see eachother for 2 short days and by the time Christmas break rolled around - I knew in my heart that I needed to make a change to be closer to him. I didn't particularly like the people that I went to school with and found myself making better friends with the people at J's school. My parents knew that I wanted to transfer to NH to be with him and my new friends but had made me promise to finish the year out in RI to make sure that by the end of the year we were still serious about making the decision to be closer.
By the time summer rolled around, our relationship was stronger than ever and I was accepted and began to make the plans to transfer to J's school. Making the decision to transfer there was the beginning of the changes that I started to see in myself. I was finding my autonomy and learning to make adult decisions. I look back on this decision and know that I would not have J by my side today if I didn't take the chance to see if things would work out.
Flash forward three years and we were still happily together after a few bumps in the road and ready to graduate - we both planned to move home to our parents. Three months after living at home we decided to move in together and then one quick year later we were engaged on December 23, 2006 in our first apartment together. We decided to be married on June 7th, 2008 because we wanted to pay for the majority of the wedding ourselves. After some serious penny pinching we were able to have the wedding that we dreamed of and set off on a wonderful honeymoon in Mexico.
After returning from our honeymoon - we needed something "new" to focus our energies on which led us to begin our search for our first home. We had a small nest egg from our generous wedding gifts and wanted to invest in our first home. We knew that we would be buying a definite fixer upper with the intentions to live in the home for about five years. After searching and looking at more than 60 homes and putting in a dozen offers, we finally bought our first home in November 2008. We spent two months replacing many issues and working with no heat (promise to recap some of our reno projects and outtakes!). We finally moved in during a snow storm in the last weekend of January 2009.
During 2009, we spent the majority of our time living in a constant state of renovation dust and rubble. By the summer of 2009 - we began to talk about our baby plans. We had been together for nine years and were starting to get the questions from everyone under the sun about when we would start the family. by the end of the summer I had full blown baby fever and we were quickly making plans to finish the biggest renovation project in our home to make way for a baby.
A new year - Reflections
Well - here it is - already 5 days into 2011 and I am already whizzing through the days. How does time seem to be moving so quickly? It seems just like yesterday I was a silly 17 yr old girl waiting for my date to pick me up and here I am 10 years later - married to that man who is now the father to our beautiful baby girl. A lot can and has happened in those years and this venture is going to be the way in which I attempt to slow down and enjoy the best moments of my life.
Like most - the dawn of a new year causes you to sit back and reflect on the past year. A time to evaluate the moments that tested you, to be joyful in the happy moments and to learn from the trying moments. 2010 was a year of pure elation and quite possibly the BEST year of my life.
When I make such a declaration - it stands to be said that I do not say that lightly. From the first day of the year twenty ten to the last day, I lived my life with a new breath and was filled with so much joy, anticipation and excitement. 2010 was the year that changed my life and rocked my soul to the core. It was the year that brought my sweet baby girl into my arms and I was made into a mother.
In the next few posts, I want to sort of do a small recap of the past year and all of the amazing changes that I went through in order to get me here today - typing out these letters to make some sort of sense of the person that I have become. I am not aspiring to be a professional blogger - but I want to take the time every day to look back and document the best days of my life - the very best moments that I have come to find are the moments that I will treasure forever. This is going to be my journey to be "in the heart of life" and to take those moments and show the world just how amazing love and life can be.
Like most - the dawn of a new year causes you to sit back and reflect on the past year. A time to evaluate the moments that tested you, to be joyful in the happy moments and to learn from the trying moments. 2010 was a year of pure elation and quite possibly the BEST year of my life.
When I make such a declaration - it stands to be said that I do not say that lightly. From the first day of the year twenty ten to the last day, I lived my life with a new breath and was filled with so much joy, anticipation and excitement. 2010 was the year that changed my life and rocked my soul to the core. It was the year that brought my sweet baby girl into my arms and I was made into a mother.
In the next few posts, I want to sort of do a small recap of the past year and all of the amazing changes that I went through in order to get me here today - typing out these letters to make some sort of sense of the person that I have become. I am not aspiring to be a professional blogger - but I want to take the time every day to look back and document the best days of my life - the very best moments that I have come to find are the moments that I will treasure forever. This is going to be my journey to be "in the heart of life" and to take those moments and show the world just how amazing love and life can be.
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